1. Mega Shark VS. Crocosaurus
2. Two-Headed Shark Attack
3. Mega Shark VS. Giant Octopus
4. Mega Piranha
5. Titanic 2
6. Transmorphers
7. Nazis at the Center of the Earth
8. Snakes on a Train
Disclaimer: These are the only Asylum movies I have seen, and I have rated them in order according to my humble opinion. This list is subject to change, specifically, it will change after I finally watch Sharknado (which I'm totally hoping steals #1). Watch any Asylum film at your own risk. I would recommend having a drink, a good group of friends, and a large dose of humor and snark at your disposal.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
broken things on my VW Jetta
1. The antenna.
Really, it just no longer exists. Originally murdered by a rogue garage door, it was reattached ghetto style with some badass glue. Until it fell off on the freeway and got run over by a semi truck.
2. The driver's side window.
It has two settings. Up or down. It mostly stays up, although it has a habit of suddenly and violently falling into the door while one is innocently driving. In January. This feature has also introduced a fun game of forcing the passenger to quickly scramble into the backseat to retrieve parking garage tickets, order food, or use the drive through ATM.
3. The trunk.
It's easier to pretend it doesn't exist. When forced, the only way to open the thing is to pull the back seat down, crawl through several years worth of random items (watch out for my ice skates), and fiddle with the broken mechanism until you find the latch.
4. The cigarette lighter.
Don't accidentally drop a penny inside your cigarette lighter.
5. The 6 disc cd player.
Because it's located in the trunk. And when it gets too cold or you go over a large bump or you sing too obnoxiously it stops working. Until you open the trunk and reset it. Which, let's be honest, is not going to happen. Did I mention the ice skates?
6. The passenger side view mirror.
This was broken by someone moving in at one of our old apartments. This person did leave a note, confessing what he had done. However, he failed to ever answer his phone or respond to the numerous voicemails we left. Did you know that Gaff tape works great for taping mirrors back on?
7. The bumper.
If you own a Volkswagen, you understand. Technically, the bumper works fine. Unless you go up against a curb. Or a snow bank. Then it comes right off.
8. The tape cassette player.
I'm rather attached to my tape cassette player. Mostly because it is the only way I can listen to good music in my car. Since the broken antenna picks up only 5 stations, all of them horrible. So I have a tape adapter for my ipod. Which works most of the time. Except for the times when it suddenly only plays the instrumental part of a song. Or it's suddenly only playing out of the right speaker. Or it's suddenly creatively interpreting the music into noise. Then you just stick your fingers in the tape player and press the tape down until it sounds better. Works like a charm.
9. Something terrible that might involve the muffler.
This is a fun new development. Whenever I accelerate, my car sounds like Chewbacca gargling marbles. Loudly. Like, people-staring-loud. So I just turn the music up until I can't hear it anymore and pray my tape cassette player never totally stops working.
Disclaimer: my car is 13 years old and on it's last legs. Repairs at this point cost more than the car is worth and also negate the ability to make fun lists of all the broken things. A new car is in the very near future, I promise.
Really, it just no longer exists. Originally murdered by a rogue garage door, it was reattached ghetto style with some badass glue. Until it fell off on the freeway and got run over by a semi truck.
2. The driver's side window.
It has two settings. Up or down. It mostly stays up, although it has a habit of suddenly and violently falling into the door while one is innocently driving. In January. This feature has also introduced a fun game of forcing the passenger to quickly scramble into the backseat to retrieve parking garage tickets, order food, or use the drive through ATM.
3. The trunk.
It's easier to pretend it doesn't exist. When forced, the only way to open the thing is to pull the back seat down, crawl through several years worth of random items (watch out for my ice skates), and fiddle with the broken mechanism until you find the latch.
4. The cigarette lighter.
Don't accidentally drop a penny inside your cigarette lighter.
5. The 6 disc cd player.
Because it's located in the trunk. And when it gets too cold or you go over a large bump or you sing too obnoxiously it stops working. Until you open the trunk and reset it. Which, let's be honest, is not going to happen. Did I mention the ice skates?
6. The passenger side view mirror.
This was broken by someone moving in at one of our old apartments. This person did leave a note, confessing what he had done. However, he failed to ever answer his phone or respond to the numerous voicemails we left. Did you know that Gaff tape works great for taping mirrors back on?
7. The bumper.
If you own a Volkswagen, you understand. Technically, the bumper works fine. Unless you go up against a curb. Or a snow bank. Then it comes right off.
8. The tape cassette player.
I'm rather attached to my tape cassette player. Mostly because it is the only way I can listen to good music in my car. Since the broken antenna picks up only 5 stations, all of them horrible. So I have a tape adapter for my ipod. Which works most of the time. Except for the times when it suddenly only plays the instrumental part of a song. Or it's suddenly only playing out of the right speaker. Or it's suddenly creatively interpreting the music into noise. Then you just stick your fingers in the tape player and press the tape down until it sounds better. Works like a charm.
9. Something terrible that might involve the muffler.
This is a fun new development. Whenever I accelerate, my car sounds like Chewbacca gargling marbles. Loudly. Like, people-staring-loud. So I just turn the music up until I can't hear it anymore and pray my tape cassette player never totally stops working.
Disclaimer: my car is 13 years old and on it's last legs. Repairs at this point cost more than the car is worth and also negate the ability to make fun lists of all the broken things. A new car is in the very near future, I promise.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
things spotted in the flower bed outside Target
1. The head of a mushroom.
2. A Depends instruction booklet.
3. Three Starbuck's cups.
4. An empty sheet of mysterious pills.*
*These pills remained mysterious because Aaron does not appreciate my investigative nature.
2. A Depends instruction booklet.
3. Three Starbuck's cups.
4. An empty sheet of mysterious pills.*
*These pills remained mysterious because Aaron does not appreciate my investigative nature.
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